Here we host the most adventurous house warming ever!

My first visit to faujiland was just like experiencing ‘Adventures of Narnia’ in real life. The marital vows were still so fresh in my mind that the determination to become the best half had gone sailing deep into the ocean after I entered my husband’s den. He being a Fauji, had narrated me his absurd takes on life and insanity he is surrounded with (in a good way), but living in the middle of mini Madagascar was too much to handle. 

Anyhow, starting with a brief crash course on cleanliness, spending over three days in the super market, I managed the disastrous lair look bit humanly. Gradually, we settled and husband was feeling all revitalised and overjoyed with all the arrangements. But settling down was not enough, we yearned for more and so we thought of throwing a party ( one of the Fauji customs), as our habitat looked perfectly fine to welcome more humans. 

So prepping up for the gathering, which needs to be perfect, as you’re being constantly judged by  senior officers’ wives, I thought of taking some help from my husband. But R (husband) being so aloof from the civil world from quite sometime now, had no idea except the drinks that were needed to be served with the starters. After wrecking our brains, a mess boy named Raju came to rescue all my troubles ( R really vouched for his skills for managing parties). 

The day had arrived, and after ticking all the names on our invitation list, Raju gave me a detailed presentation on what he is planning to cook. Despite my constant warnings, the boy appeared so confident and excited and fixed an elaborated spread, as Commander was the chief guest for the day.

Now, let me take you on a tour of the place, we are located in. It’s interiors of Bihar and people still rejoice festivals just like vintage days. Completely clueless about the fact that Holi celebrations last for a week and R had approved Raju's half day leave with a bottle of alcohol (It’s before the alcohol ban in the state), I settled down after arranging groceries and vegetables for the evening because Raju assured me to be back by 3:00pm, but the boy was wasn’t back until 6:00 pm. With no restaurants in the surrounding and losing on the time to order at officers’ mess, we were left with no option, but to panic. 

After cursing R for several times, the boy shows up with a colourful face and with no senses at all (after all he was toxicated with several adulterated substances) and with the clock ticking really fast, I started shivering on a thought of feeling humiliated in front of my husband's colleagues. In fauj, a lady is a lady despite spending so many years in a news room, you're expected to be a perfect party host cum homemaker and should look radiant when the guests arrive. 

Post arrival of Raju, we were still arguing on whether Raju should clean himself up first or boil lentils. Anyhow, the cooking began at 7:00 pm and guests are supposed to arrive from 7:30 pm onwards. I completely forgot that boy was under the influence of bhaang (Indian weed) and he will be needing my help. I enter the kitchen with hundreds of things on my mind and handed over a pressure cooker to Raju. 

With sudden memory loss due to bhaang, hesitancy he put massive amount of daal and no water in the pressure cooker and after  few minutes my kitchen was upside down. It looked like terrorists have attacked our abode. It was funny as well as frustrating at that panic hour, as guests had started arriving. The last ones to arrive were Commander and his wife. From here, we start with the series of apologies and looking so becharas in front of our guests. The first lady (commander’s wife) entered the kitchen and inspected the scene with a snooty look. However, I’m so thankful to the Commander who went ahead and prepared drinks for all us and said, "Shit happens. These will be the memories, you’re going to cherish later in life." Between all this, R also managed to get our neighbour’s maid who anchored our sinking ship.